apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
