im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
