i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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