i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
