Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
