he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
