half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
