it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
