your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
false alarm. still invincible.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
