They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
