SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think my moral compass just broke
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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