OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
