Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
