omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
