My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
