apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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