My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize