grandma shit on top of the toilet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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