Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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