It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
