I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
