I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
