Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
