Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
