moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
