oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
