I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
