Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
