You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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