just come out here and I will go home with you...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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