I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
