My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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