I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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