I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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