we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
