Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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