I think my vagina is haunted
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
