Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
