i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
