Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
