I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
