He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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