Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
