I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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