when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Less talking, more tequila
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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