I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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