party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
