he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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