we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
