Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
