I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
