It was confusing and full of hummus
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
