I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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