i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
