if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
