I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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