Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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