I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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