I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He kissed a someone with a penis
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
