You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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