halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
