wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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