you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
