Umm I'm too high to move.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
