I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
