sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
