Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
