It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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