guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
