I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
