Pregnant stripper...not hot.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
