So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
is that a dick in a sweater?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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