I swear she didn't look like that last week.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize