you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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