I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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