Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
In America we eat man semen.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
