I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize