Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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